Something about grief, solstice and sleep training

So it took me a while to process my emotions about my previous blog post and the fact that Denmark is closed for us as a family until further notice. It's almost as if I was grieving a little bit. My current conclusion is that it's okay that we continue to live in Fairbanks Alaska. I'm quite happy here. Especially as we celebrate summer solstice and the town is lit up by 24 hours of sun light and everyone are buzzing with energy. Which brings me to the last part of my heading - what better time than summer solstice to do a little sleep training with the little one. Una is almost 17 months and has slept in our bed until now. She has her own bed next to ours that has had an open side. She has slept in it and gradually moved over towards me at night. It's the best. I love having her next to me. But at this point I have to admit that none of us sleep that well when we lie on top of each other and bedtime has become a prolonged affair. She muffles around and around and around. So I decided to give Ferber's method a try. I love the description from noobmommy and as I went through the check-in intervals tonight I clung to my screen and read her words over and over:

  "First, take a couple shots of the hardest liquor you can find – the kind that’ll put some hair on your chest. Spam your neighbors with lengthy letters of apology (include bribe money). Purchase NRA-approved ear muffs for yourself and possibly your neighbors. Then crumple up into fetal position holding onto that bottle of liquor and cry like your baby.

You’re going to hate yourself. You’re going to think you’re an awful, cruel, heartless parent. You’re going to cry Uncle, want to give up after the first 30 minutes, and make up excuses as to why this was a terrible decision. As a Sleep Training Survivor (and there really should be some fancy medal parents can wear after going through this), I know that it’s the hardest thing to hear your adorable, helpless flesh and blood crying … in their crib… all alone. It blows. But… and there’s a big BUT. The rewards are so worth it."

Una lasted 45 minutes before she fell asleep. I was (almost) literally pulling my hair out. James would have given up long ago but strategically planned, he's at work. My limit was an hour - then I would have given up and taken her over in our bed. But she did it!!! She soothed herself to sleep. I'm so PROUD. I have very mixed feelings about the method and up until tonight I wasn't sure I was going to use it. I actually didn't decide until we were reading bedtime stories. Suddenly I just felt that she was ready. That this was a good time to do it. So I did. I haven't been too concerned about increasing my own amount of sleep but the idea of helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own while still feeling safe and loved is something I see as meaningful and valuable. I also felt better about trying the method because I'm with her all day and she can be close to me then. We don't need the nights together now as we so desperately did when I was working 40 hours/week and also nursing. It was time and so here we are. My big girl, who by the way has gone from crawling to running in the last three weeks. She sorta skipped walking and went straight to "drunken run". It's the best!