Juggling baby, work and all the other things...

It sure has been silent in here. I have written and deleted several posts because I am having a really hard time figuring out how to accurately describe my life right now. So at this point I have decided to write a blog post about how it’s hard to write a blog post (a classic among bloggers). 

Status: I’m back at work and have been since Una was 8 weeks old (She is 16 weeks today). I work 40 hours + lunch a week while J stays home with our daughter. 

Twice a day I roll down the curtains to my office and pump milk out and at lunch time J rolls up in the minivan and I jump in to nurse and say hi to Una. 

J schedules his work for nights and weekends.

Here’s my problem: This arrangement is working out quite well for us. Una is a happy, healthy baby. She has no problem being fed from both bottle and boob. She loves hanging out with her daddy. She’s fine being in the car. She sleeps well (enough) for me to be functioning at work. I like going to work (I miss her a lot but not so much that it doesn’t work). My body and mind have recovered enough from c-section and pregnancy that I CAN go to work. James likes hanging with the baby all day. All in all no roadblocks have come up yet. 

Do I wish I could stay home with my baby every day? Of course. I just had a long weekend and it was amazing. Do I sometimes wonder why on earth I didn’t just go home to Denmark where babies come with 1 year paid maternity leave and free health care? Yes. 

Am I not extremely frustrated with the hopeless US system of unpaid, very limited maternity leave and high-priced, employment dependent health insurance? Yes. AND the way this system keeps women locked in stay-at-home mother roles where they are 100% dependent on their partners to provide for them and their children? Yes. 

I don’t feel like complaining about my situation because I had a choice and I chose to have my baby in Alaska. I also don’t feel like praising my situation because it’s shitty to have to make a choice between financial security/health care and spending time with your baby. 

Am I happy despite all of this? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. 

Do you see why it’s difficult to write about?